Jupiter Ascending

February 6, 20156 min

“ Some lives will always matter more than others….”

When hearing these words, you only hope that the person speaking them is referring to you. Just like some filmmakers matter more than others and because they do matter, these filmmakers can make pretty much whatever they want. While there are some like, say, Michael Bay, who puts out movies with so many explosions, he hopes that it is enough to distract you from realizing that the rest of his movie is just a giant void of emptiness. On the other side you have the Wachowskis, who even though always have good intentions, seem to just get lost in their ideas more often that not and to show what I mean, I present exhibit A, “Jupiter Ascending”.

Jupiter (Mila Kunis) was born without a country, that is because after her father was killed her mother decided to head to America, thus Jupiter was born on a ship in the middle of the ocean. Great things are meant for Jupiter, but until those great things happen, she cleans houses with her mother and her aunt. When Jupiter decides to donate her eggs for something greater, she is attacked but than saved by a guy skating through the air, and shooting what appears to be creatures not of this world. The man is Caine (Channing Tatum), and he is there to bring her back to a man who hired him to save Jupiter. Caine has to put up a fight that takes us though Chicago, with little regard to anything (like the a fore mentioned Michael Bay flick) around them as they battle for Jupiter. After surviving, they go to a quite place where they seek the help of Stinger (Sean Bean) who has a lot of bees (no really), who tells Jupiter the real story of who she is. It seems Jupiter is the reincarnation of a queen, who must reclaim what is hers. Before she can do that she must get through three spoiled children, led by Balem (Eddie Radmaybe), who must have taken a muscle relaxer to prepare for his role of the quietest villain out there. Together Jupiter and Caine must stop Balem, and reclaim the Earth.

That last description makes this film sound epic and with purpose, the problem is it’s actually the opposite. There is no purpose of this film, and feels like a picture that was torn up and put back together at random. From the choices of actors for certain roles, to some of the actual choices made by those actors, concerning their characters, “Jupiter Ascending” will have you scratching your heads more than once. The Wachowskis wanted to make an original and epic space opera, maybe this generation’s “Star Wars”, but instead of a classic film, they deliver a classic response after seeing film like this, “What were they thinking?” I want to reward originally, but with originally like this, it makes one miss the days of “Trasformers 4”. As bad as I am making this movie sound there are a few shining lights in this mess. The score from Michael Giacchino, who I believe could score your root canal and you would enjoy it more. One of the other few bright spots is the set design that brings the few spots of beauty to this hard to watch film. I wanted to believe the creators of “The Matrix” still had some magic to perform, and even after this film I am not ready to give up on them completely, but the more that I think about it, that whole “some lives matter more…” line is kinda derogatory. But like this film it may not matter anyway.

Brian Taylor


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